I am getting messages from people who want to change some of the things in their lives and say “I don’t know from where to start?” Fundamentally, coaching is not about giving answers, it is about expanding one’s perspective by asking questions. It is having someone find his/her own answers. Still, for purpose of using as a guide, I have listed below a few points to consider:
Thinking starts with questions. Those who change their questions also change their thoughts, actions and results. I categorize the questions into two; the disempowering ones and the empowering ones. For instance, the question of “Why can’t I climb a tree, why can’t I do that?” is one that is disempowering, whereas, “How can I climb a tree, how can I do that?” is an empowering question. While the first question puts you in a vortex, the second question puts you in action, removes you out of your current situation. Asking questions towards your desired situation is more beneficial than trying to figure out the reasons.
Thoughts and expressions:
“I would like to climb a tree but I can’t.” Your expression in this sentence does not serve your desire. Namely, you can not climb a tree by saying “I can not climb”; saying this has no benefit for climbing a tree. Moreover, as if you are holding a megaphone in your hand, you are exclaiming to the whole universe and to all your cells, “I won’t do it.” Instead of this, you can take the first step, by saying phrases like “I am ready to climb the tree”, “I have the intention to climb the tree” Thereby, you move your focus towards doing.
“What is the smallest step I could take for climbing a tree?” Ask yourself this question. Many answers would be crossing your mind, e.g. putting on sneakers, choosing a smaller tree.
No matter how many times you have tried, you should always keep your focus on “doing” even if you are not getting the results that you are after. If you fail, you just learned another way of how not to climb a tree! After your attempts, you may ask yourself the following: In every attempt, have I tried to climb the tree via the same spot and same way? What have I learned from my experience? For next time, what can I be doing differently?
If there are people, who have already climbed that tree or a similar tree, you could get support from them. You could learn about how they climbed, what type of obstacles they have encountered and how they managed to overcome them.
You could read this article one more time by replacing the example of “Climbing a tree” with any type of subject you would like to succeed in.
One day, we went camping in a deserted place. We were struggling with everything from pitching the tent to lighting the camp fire. Some people in the group were saying “we can’t do this”. At that point, one of my friends interjected “People are going to Mars; what are you talking about? We can do this.” Whenever a person comes to me and says "I can’t do this"; my friend’s remark “People are going to Mars” comes to my mind.
As last word: Reconsider whether you really want to climb the tree or not.